So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
