i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
