Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
