I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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