you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
