No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
