I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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