I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
