I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sex in a hospital.. check
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
These tits shall not be calmed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
