thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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