Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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