oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
