as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
