Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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