Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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