Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My Sexting was not on an AP level
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
