How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
