I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
