if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
