She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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