don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
