yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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