just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
