don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
