i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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