yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
