this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
