dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
