you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
