I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
