Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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