I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
