Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
