The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
