Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
