If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
