Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
