She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
