Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
