no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
