i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
