He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
