I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
