Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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