I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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