Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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