Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
