Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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