she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
