I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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