Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
