Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
