So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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