found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
