I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
