why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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