dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
