shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Acid is not a monday night drug
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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