I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
